Ray Loves Janay

Ray loves Janay. It sounds like a great title for a novel. It's true he does love her. Ray loves Janay the only way he knows how. Now, before you begin to call me crazy, and drag your mouse to the close button, hear me out.  Ray is only capable of giving what he possesses. Yes, he has some major deficiencies: self control, self esteem, and his morale compass is pretty skewed. But, guess what? We created this monster.

Ray Rice is accustomed to hearing "yes" from everyone. As a matter of fact, he expects it. From the time he hit the football field as a freshman at New Rochelle High School in New Rochelle, New York, he has been winning championships and setting records. Teachers, coaches, family, and friends saw greatness in him and decided to ride the proverbial "gravy train" until the wheels fell off. In most cases, athletes like Raymell Mourice Rice, are birthed into the family of "as long as you win, to hell with everything else."

Ray rice, shows his love and receives love much like all athletes at the top of their game, with hesitation and trepidation. They never understand who really loves them and who is simply using them. If we're honest with ourselves, we, as fans, have a fickle kind of love.  We only care and love our athletes when they win and for the most part are unconcerned about off-the-field behavior. Can you see how this type of message sets a precedence? We love our athletes based on contingencies.

Athletes are desperate to maintain perfection and win championships. They possess a love/hate relationship with their fans and the game, often times feeling depressed and disarrayed. Therefore in order to maintain control and ensure that the love keeps flowing from the fans, and from loved ones, aggression is used on the field...and sometimes off the field.  Add to the mix, the introduction of performance enhancing drugs which often breed hostility, and this becomes a dangerous combination.
So what do we do to fix this? Stop idolizing our athletes. Give them the support at the beginning of their career to build up the whole person, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Punish and correct bad behavior immediately and at an early age. Lastly, teach our girls to value themselves and their relationships by walking away when abuse comes into play.

Ray does love Janay, but when love knocks you unconscious, it's time to move on.

 Excuse You: Hiccups, Setbacks and Other Interruptions

Lesson 18. Whose fault is it, anyway?

Pointing the finger and blaming someone else for our setbacks is easy and quite convenient.  In my case, I blamed everyone from the doctor to God.  It should have taken a maximum of 12 weeks to heal, and I was wondering what in the world God was waiting on.  Was it me?  Was it something I should have been doing?  It’s during times like these that all of us experience the shaking of our faith.  When the sharks begin to circle and the wolves have you surrounded, how will you react?

My solution was to pray and have faith... but minutes later I’d return to searching for my own answers.  This is what you call negating your confession.  After several months of tears, questions, and utter disbelief, I began to receive God’s clear message for me.  

Early one Tuesday morning as I stood in the bathroom washing my hands, He spoke to me.  I grabbed a pen and a pad, sat down on the cold, tile floor, and wrote down every word.  Those words eventually became the chapter content for each of the lessons in this book.  I delayed starting this project for months, oftentimes pinning the blame on God for not doing His part first.  I knew He had the power to heal me, He just didn’t want to. 

Soon I had to face my own reality: I was the one standing in the way.  I allowed fear to outweigh my faith.  Picking it up and putting it back down was what a friend said I had been doing.  It was my greatest aha moment.  My words professed my faith, but my actions told quite a different story.  What heavy weight are you holding on to that’s preventing your recovery?  What are your actions confessing?

Sure, you can justifiably blame those who failed to protect you, took advantage of you, or disappointed you, but blaming won’t produce a different outcome. Forgiveness takes courage and in return it gives you power.  Forgiveness redirects the energy away from the offender and shifts it back to you.  Release the blame and reclaim your power—reclaim your life.

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